Relationships. Healthy, Unhealthy, or Abusive?

All relationships exist on a spectrum. Ranging from healthy, to unhealthy, to abusive. Often, especially when we are new to dating or still learning about our partner, we may not recognize early signs of green flags (signs the relationship is healthy) or miss or misconstrue yellow or red flags (signs the relationship is unhealthy or abusive).

Early on, we are so caught up in getting to know each other and falling in love that we focus on the ways in which we are similar to our dates and the ways in which we feel good in their presence. It’s easy to see the similarities as green flags, and in the early stages of relationships and dating, they may be!

In our society and in the media, we love the idea of romance and fairy tales as it relates to dating. There are certain behaviors that have been romanticized that are in fact unhealthy and can lead to an abusive relationship. Behaviors such as jealousy or only spending time with your dating partner are most definitely yellow flags to be aware of.

Let’s look at examples of green, yellow, and red flags in relationships;

GREEN FLAGS

If you and your honey are noticing these behaviors in each other, these are great signs the relationship is healthy and loving

They actively listen
They know how to share their own feelings
They keep their word, their actions match their words
They’re sensitive to your needs
They support your growth
They take conflict head on
They can remain calm and rational during conflict
They apologize
They respect your boundaries
They have their own boundaries
They compliment you and express appreciation

YELLOW FLAGS

While green and red signs are clear indicators that the relationship is either healthy or abusive, yellow signs can be a bit more confusing. Very often, yellow flags occur prior to red flags, so it is crucial to recognize and respond to these before it is too late.

They deliberately put you down or are verbally disrespectful
They talk negatively about you in front of others
They are often jealous
They want you to only spend time with them
They avoid conflict
They become angry quickly or irrationally
They distrust you
They become overbearing or insistent during conversations
They pressure you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with

RED FLAGS

If you notice any of these signs with your partner, it is very likely that you are in an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships most often get worse as time goes on. The mental and physical health consequences of maintaining an abusive relationship are life altering.

They tell you how to dress or act
They isolate you from your friends or family
They physically hurt you (push, shove, slap, hold down, spit, kick, punch, pull hair, firm gripping)
They force you into a sex act
They use demeaning or threatening language with you
They make you feel afraid, manipulated, controlled or “crazy”
They stalk you physically or online
They physically abuse or neglect pets

If you think you may be in an abusive relationship and would like to talk with an Advocate free and confidentially, call the number below. Our Advocates are specially trained to help people in immediate crisis and safety plan, to discuss services available or referrals, or simply to talk through your unique situation and options.